| blueheart |
What do you tell a meth
addict in jail?
What do I tell my 26 year old meth addicted son in jail, who
blames his circumstances on everybody and everything other than
himself? He was kicked out of rehab on day 53 one year ago. He
was then kicked out of his halfway house twice. How do you help
your son when he does not own his addiction and says he doesn't
need help? How do you help someone in total denial? How do you
attempt to even meet halfway? After all "he doesn't need
help"..... just wants out....? |
| Replies... |
Savedin
illinois |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
You stop trying to help him and let him help himself. It will be
painful, but back off and take care of yourself. He's a big boy,
he has to do this for himself. |
LivesWith
Wolves |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I
would try getting him some NA and AA books. If he is bored and
alone, perhaps he will turn to those and learn something.
I also recommend taking care of yourself. Not backing away from
him, but focusing on you and what you want in life. |
| Loraura |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
What do you say to an addict in jail?
I don't know.
I'd probably start with: "So... how's the food?"
Then again, I'm not known for having vast amounts of empathy for
people when they are angry about having to suffer the
consequences of their actions. |
forget
suzette |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I
thought this was a joke...
....like what kinda bird doesn't fly.
jail bird.
tell him to use his time wisely.
....don't fight it.
read, meditate, work out, detox.
.........rejuvinate, look forward and inward. |
nineyears
clean |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Quote:
Then again, I'm not known for having
vast amounts of empathy for people when they are angry about
having to suffer the consequences of their actions.
I LOVE your candor. I really, really
do. And, I love you too.
blueheart:
He's in denial, so don't waste your breath. I'd definitely get
him some recovery reading material. I wouldn't say anything
about it, I'd just send it or drop it off and let him do what he
wants with it.
Take good care of yourself. It must be absolutely heartbreaking
to be the parent of an addict, especially when they don't see a
problem. My heart goes out to you, as a mother myself.
He's going to have to own his addiction before he can be helped
or help himself. Until then, love him from afar, where you and
your heart are safe.
IMHO |
| Cabird |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
When mine was in jail I told him how sorry I was. He did the
same as yours. It was the fault of everyone else. He didn't have
a problem. He was in total denial. I told him that I have never
been in jail because jail is optional. No one has to go there. I
also told him I was so glad he had been rescued by the police
because now he had a bed every night and food to eat. I meant
every word of it. I didn't worry when he was in jail because I
knew where he was. Be happy that he is in jail. It will be
harder to get drugs there. He will calm down. Mine did. Once he
learned that we wouldn't get him out he tried nicer tactics. We
still didn't get him out. We bailed him out the first time and
the second time, but we finally caught on that he was a victim
of his own doing. He finally got off drugs after 6 times of
being arrested and put in jail. He was never in prison. He has
been clean for over 3 years now and is doing quite well. He was
on meth too. |
| k8kanguru |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
*hugs for blue* Long time no see.
My suggestions:
"You made your bed buddy, now you get to lie in it."
"Grow up and deal with it."
Sorry Blue, but I really don't think indulging his blame game
does him any favors. Drug addicts are not immune to
consequences...even if the drug lies and tells them they are
invincible. |
Kathy
as
cmom |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Blueheart,
After my daughters 1st time in jail I simply told her this was
something I could not fix. Pure and simple. She would cry and
whine about being mistreated and I would tell her that I am
"nobody" to those people and neither is she. I told her to
humble herself and go by the rules and do what she had to to get
by. It was heartbreaking. But if you think about it, what can
you do? NOTHING! This is a good time for them to accept the
consequences of their behavior. Sounds harsh, but so true. I
feel your heart breaking but get tough, ok? |
| JUSTCATS |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
There is no "meeting him half-way." I think that, you have
already done that, and he wants to live in his world of denial,
and blame, just like my addict is.
My addict is sitting in prison now, because of his meth
addiction. He had two chances with his felony probation officer
and he blew them both, because of meth.
What did I say? I did not sugar-coat it. I gave him the FACTS.
He is to blame for this addiction. He is a meth addict and in
denial. He will DIE if he does not, get off of the meth. Every
time he uses, he is permanently damaging his organs.
I also, told him of the damage that he has done to his heart,
and he is lucky that heart attack scare wasn't the real one, and
that the seizures he had were, permanently damaging his brain...
I also, then printed off a bunch of info on meth from the
internet and sent it. That is all I could do, the rest is up to
him.
I was exactly where you are. However, I got tired of the denial
and the blame game. You can educate an addict and give him the
tools to help them through recovery, but you cannot make them,
want to recover... |
| blueheart |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thanks to each of you for your pearls of wisdom. You are all so
right.... I need to take my own advice and let go and let God.
Thank you for reminding me. |
sdm
sanjose |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
When J*** was in jail I mailed him print outs from this
forum and his Grandfather sent him scriptures. So far it does
not seem to do any good but it did not cost much and what do we
have to loose?
The last time he was in jail I went to see him and he told me
not to visit him anymore (Ouch!). That was when I was forced to
let go and let God. I am a slow learner.
I have not forgot about L***. I hope he and God find each other
in that jail. |
Nyte
Passion |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
What do you tell a mom whose son is in jail
Don't try and fix this for him mom ... Cover the ears of your
heart and don't listen to the spewing, begging or pleading of
your son ..
He got himself there ... what an uncomfortable place to be .. I
swear .. there is nothing worse then being a addict and being
locked up (caged and enraged) ... best place for him to be
ESPECIALLY if he is in denial and doesn't want help .. keeps him
off the street and not using ... least you can rest knowing
where he is ..
Resist making this as comfortable as possible for him .. let him
tough it out .. send him some stuff to read NA book, copies of
things about denial and addiction .. stories from others that
maybe he can relate to .. He may or may not read it .. 50/50
worth a shot
Stay strong mom and don't beat your head against the wall ..
you'll only hurt your head
You can't make him clean no matter how much you love him ..
He has to want it for himself .. send him goodies to read .. it
is brain food .. knowledge is power and it is a better wrestler
than most of us |
| Guene |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Hey Blueheart, I'm really sorry about your son and will I wish I
had magic words to help you feel better, but as you know I
don't. Jamie is doing not good, although I don't think she's
doing meth all the time, I still think she's doing it. I also
know that she is going to be in for a surprise when we move
away, she's going to have to grow up fast, Mommy and Daddy won't
be there to help out anymore. Your right you know it's time to
let go and let god. I have been chasing her around for 8 year's
now, and I given more than I've gotten back. All my love and
prayer's go out to you. |
| blueheart |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thank you. I'm ok.... I really am - it's just my son, you
know.... You are all such wonderful people - thank you for your
advice and care. I am encouraged that he is the one who turned
himself in. Step 1. I really don't know what to say at this
point. Maybe in a few weeks he will start to feel some emotions
he hasn't experienced for a long time, and it will make sense
for me to gently whisper something about denial. We'll see.....
You guys are the best. Thank you. |
Mrs
Korea |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I
say let him sit there. After all the withdrawal, he will quit
blaming everyone else. At least that was how it was with my
husband. (He's now in the Utah State Prison) But I wouldn't
change that for anything. It has helped our relationship so much
and he has been working on improving himself to stay clean.
It's hard, My husband would call home those first few weeks,
scream and yell at me that I wasn't doing enough to get him out,
then cry because he felt bad that he let me down, then get
depressed where he didn't even want to talk, then back to angry
to crying, etc. It was a cycle and it lasted for almost six
weeks or better.
How long has your son been in jail? DON'T let him get to
you...he will find out for himself that it wasn't your fault.
You just need to believe that too. |
danimal
55 |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I'd tell him that he's lucky he's there and not 6 feet under
like so many others are. My son Jason is eternally grateful for
the year in prison that "saved his life".
The system can lock us up physically, but not spiritually the
way meth does.
Jails, institutions and death are the ultimate reward for meth
addiction and the underlying self betrayal that is synonymous
with it.
Given a choice, I'd opt for the slammer Lets wish him
clarity, accountability, and the strength to pry that third eye
open.
The wonder and magic of life is right in front of our noses...if
we can just open our eyes! |
blue
heart |
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thank you Mrs. Korea and Dan. He has been in for two weeks now.
I'm going to remain quiet for a little while until I can figure
out what to say and how to say it. Thank you for your help. Dan
you and your boys are so blessed to have each other. Regardless
of the trials you've each been thru, you have a bond so sacred
that many go thru life and never experience. Bless you all. What
you've said makes perfect sense.... clarity, accountability and
strength is exactly what we're praying for here. |
